Gengahr – Going Through The Emotions

Due for release in January, Gengahr’s new album Sanctuary sees songwriter Felix Bushe navigating personal pain. With his wife living out in Australia, coupled with the sudden passing of his mother, it has been an intense period for Felix, who has come out fighting . . . What has been your biggest life challenge so […]

Gengahr – Going Through The Emotions

By Ellis Toner

Due for release in January, Gengahr’s new album Sanctuary sees songwriter Felix Bushe navigating personal pain. With his wife living out in Australia, coupled with the sudden passing of his mother, it has been an intense period for Felix, who has come out fighting . . .

What has been your biggest life challenge so far and what did you do to overcome it?

Losing my mum to cancer two years ago was incredibly traumatic for me and my family. Watching a beautiful person that you care about more than anything get weaker and less recognisable by the day is the cruelest thing you can imagine. In all honesty I’m not sure this is something you can completely overcome. At times it still feels very fresh, I still remember the last days we spent together clearer than anything else but I don’t feel as angry anymore. Now when I think about it all I mostly just feel sad. I’ll think of the things my mum won’t see, things like her children growing up and having kids of their own. Those are the sorts of things that I think really mattered to her more than anything. When something like this happens to a family it is like a bomb going off right in the centre of your universe.

I was very fortunate to have someone in my life who was patient and understanding with my grief.

And as a family, despite everything feeling like it’s in pieces, the more time you spend together and talk to each other, the less painful it all becomes.

What do you think affects your mental health positively?

Being busy is important to me. I’m not great at relaxing. I enjoy the satisfaction of working towards something greater and I think as long as I have and end goal in mind then I am happy to keep going and push myself further.

And negatively?

I think the way I work can be a bit of a double edged sword at times I don’t know when to stop and the pressure I put on myself can lead to anxiety and depression when I don’t feel as though I am reaching though self-implemented targets. I am very competitive by nature and I expect a lot of myself and although I would say at times that is one of my strongest characteristics it can also be quite damaging if left unchecked …

What role does creativity play in your wellbeing?

I’ve always found peace and satisfaction in making something new. These days I rarely feel happier than when I am in the middle of writing a new song that I think is sounding good. I am addicted to the sensation of being lost in the music when everything else just disappears and you are left with just sound and emotions in your head. For me that has proved to be deeply therapeutic.

What are you reading, watching and listening to at the moment?

I began reading American Pastoral (Philip Roth) haven’t finished it yet but he is an author i really like. The last thing I saw at the cinema was ‘The Joker’ which I have to say I loved. Music wise I am always looking for new stuff to listen too but one of my favorite new releases is ‘Holding On To A Dream’ by sir Was. But if you want a deeper dive in to what I’m listening to then you can check out the “What’s On At Gengahr HQ’ playlist on Spotify which I try to update every week or so.

What’s your go to music if you need a boost?

Im not sure I really have a ‘go to’ song but if I did it would be something like ‘Redbone’ by Childish Gambino

What are your favourite foods?

I’m all about savoury comfort food. Starters over dessert all day. I wouldn’t say I am a vegetarian but my wife is so we don’t eat meat at home and with the increasing levels of guilt I now experience I find myself eating a lot less meat generally. That said I do have my moments of weakness when empathy levels beyond low and I just want a burger or a roast dinner.

Do you like to exercise or meditate at all?

I have a very active lifestyle. I play football twice a week and have coached tennis on and off since since I was a teen so that’s always been a big part of my life. As a kid my dad told me that sport was as important for your mind as it is your body and I couldn’t agree more. Nothing puts things in to perspective for me better than chasing a ball for an hour.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received in regards to your mental wellbeing?

It’s pretty cheesy but someone once said to me ‘If you don’t love yourself it’s hard for others to love you’ for me that is just a reminder not to always judge yourself and except that we all have our flaws but as long as you are trying then that’s okay.

How have you changed since 15, and what advice would you give to that person?

With time I’ve become more patient and a little less arrogant I hope! Advising my younger self I would plead with them to listen more and talk less. Not to get frustrated by the success of others but to remain true to your own ambitions and enjoy that journey as much as possible.

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